so how are they sleeping?

Can we all just agree that this is the worst question? It only just barely eclipses asking a postpartum mama when she’s due. Or a stay at home mom what she does all day. Or a working mama how she feels about leaving her babes with strangers. They’re just no good. Not in the checkout line, not at church, not in your moms group. Unless you are willing to share how your conniving little punk kept you awake from 2-5am, steer clear.

When you want to check in on your mom friend, ask if she’d like a glass of wine or if there is a load of laundry you can fold. The answer will always be yes and you’ll become her favorite person ever. Just please don’t remind me/make me lie to you about how little/erratically my child (and, by default, I) am sleeping. I’m just about as irrationally overtired as my tiny person, so watch out. And the wine, please? 🙂

I’m still new to this mom-world and all the jargon and stories and questions. There are so many unspoken rules and deeply held parenting philosophies and I often feel like I’m just always in the wrong group. (Aren’t we all?) My coping mechanism is to find the hilarity in it all, because what else do you have when your child is experimenting with sleep-deprivation torture techniques?

One such phrase: “he’s dropped his third nap”. It may sound like they’re saying that the little cherub has neatly decided upon a new schedule that more evenly distributes his waking and sleeping hours so as to offer his most cheerful self for the largest portion of the day.

What it really means (in my recent experience) is that said angel-baby has spent the last number of weeks in a constant state of crazy-tired, unable to settle down for any of the (and I use this word loosely) “usual” naps until he transforms into a monster of terror who rains ear-burning screams upon your home as you desperately attempt to nurse and bounce and swaddle and pacify him into unconsciousness sometime before midnight. Of course, you are then equal parts wound-up and sleep-deprived (much like your day-time child) so sleep evades you. And then it’s time to nurse again. And then it’s morning. Yay.

At some point a haze of apathy will settle in and you will find you can no longer muster the energy to keep track of or care about how long he has or has not been sleeping. Has he been up two hours? Seven? Did he really just “sleep” for 12 minutes? Who cares! The precious non-screaming moments are all that you’re aware of because the sweet sound of silence rings in your ears the way the echoey drumbeats of your favorite bands once did, when you’d shout in the quiet of your car on the ride home after a concert. Fortunately, apathy is the child’s cue to settle into his new blissful nap pattern.

To be clear:
stress + constant effort + logic = misery
apathy + wine + Netflix = parental bliss

So, friends. Rowan has dropped his third nap! Sure, he’s replaced it with an extra early angry hour beginning around 3:30pm… but my beautiful little baby boy is snoozing away for the night by 6:30! And by that I mean, today that happened and it was GLORIOUS.
(for more on this phenomenon)

finally.
finally.
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